The Shadow of Regret
by SulfurHeart
Summary: An OC / Kenshin Himura / Hisoka Kamachi / Scene from a roleplay


"Foolish, foolish girl. You broke his heart…_again. _Did you know I was the one who ordered the execution of your foster parents? Did you also know Battousai killed his fiancé accidentally? The poor woman jumped in front of Himura to save him from being killed."

_No…_ She stared at him incredulously, eyes widened with both an unhinged fear and a roaring hatred. _That can't be true! Otherwise… otherwise Kenshin… he would've… He should've… _Kadory hated herself for trying to make up reasons to excuse her rude outburst. At the time it'd been deemed only fitting. The thoughts that had run through her mind were completely logical to her, and if she only cared to explain them to Hisoka, perhaps he'd understand, as well. But now that she considered the matter, Hisoka was the one to set all this up. All he wanted was absolute dominance over everybody, and he'd so far managed to get himself pretty close to dominating herself. Kadory cursed herself thoroughly, a thousand thoughts running through her head.

"I…How can I believe you?" Kadory murmured, eyes narrowing as she stared up at the raven-haired adolescent. He seemed smugly pleased with himself. A sentiment Kadory would never forgive him for.

Instead of a reply, all Kadory received was a morbid smile that, even if it wasn't supposed to tell her anything, told her everything. Dropping it at that, Kadory turned on her heel, her heart torn into a million pieces. That bastard had tricked her into thinking Kenshin was the bad guy, and all she'd done to make it "better" was to place herself in the position of the heartbreaking woman. In the blink of an eye, Kadory had lost everything she'd ever wanted. She'd lost the love she thought she'd never find…the happiness and the light that was the only warmth and comfort in her dark and shadowed life. Even though Kadory tried to tell herself that it wasn't her fault, and that it was Hisoka's, she couldn't.

Despite her convictions, _she'd_ been the one to speak rashly against Kenshin. She hadn't even known the whole story, and she'd already fallen back into her old self, jumping to conclusions. But what hit her even harder was the fact that, concluding from Hisoka's words, _Kenshin had loved her_. The same sentimentalities she'd felt towards him had been given in return, just hidden under the shadow of friendship. It could've gone further, now that she thought about it, but she'd ripped the building block from the very base of it, and, in consequence, everything had fallen down on top of it. It was all gone now. Any hope of love…was shattered. Any hope of happiness…was smothered.

The ash-grey cloud of uneasiness settled itself over Kadory's heart as she walked away from Hisoka, eyes plastered to the ground in front of her. Each step was excruciatingly painful for her; her legs felt like lead. Each breath taken in was like shards of glass were being thrown into her lungs. She had been too little to remember…but was this how it felt like when her parents had been murdered?

Kadory stumbled over what appeared to be nothing but air, catching herself on her hands and knees. She stayed there a moment…staring at the dirt beneath her fingers, allowing stray strands of hair to cover her face as the ocean of hot tears welled behind her eyes. _I only let so many people in…and now I've lost almost every one of them. _Kadory shook her head as she clenched the earth beneath her palms, pushing back and kneeling there, staring up at the azure sky. Was there any way in heaven—or, at this point, in hell—that she could ever bring herself to apologize to Kenshin and beat down her selfish pride? And even if she did, would he ever forgive her? She didn't even want to know. Maybe…just maybe…now it was best that she let herself go and forgot about any hopes of finding happiness. Now she should go away, even from Kyrro and Sarai, and never return to this place. This place that held so many memories…too many of them good, now that she looked back on it, for her to be able to remain here in peace any longer.

Staggering to her feet, Kadory murmured through barely parted lips, "Whatever happens next, please, Kenshin…don't forget me." Renewing her painfully slow walk, Kadory moved farther away from her homelands, with only her dagger, quiver, and bow. Not even a goodbye to the foster-parents who'd loved and cared for her for 18 years of her life. She couldn't stand to see another person she loved, knowing she was about to leave them. And maybe that riddance would be forever. Kadory knew that now only time would tell. _Don't forget me…_ she repeated in her mind. _Don't forget me, please… I won't forget you. Not until my dying breath. _

**. . . . .**

Kadory wasn't able to walk even until the hour was out, and now she was slumped against a tree, her hair in flyaways about her face, hiding the trail of tears that were snaking their way down her cheeks and dripping off of her chin. The stinging of the hot tears was irking, but Kadory no longer felt the need—or the will—to reach up her hand and wipe them away. Let them be, she decided, a reminder of what she'd done. What she'd done and would never be able to undo. She had scrapes on her hands now from where she'd fallen at least twice now. Stupid tears had blinded her nearly half of her walk.

"_Love is something to be cherished, sweetheart. And with it, we'll always be in your heart." _

That's what her mother's last words had been to her… And even at the remarkably young age of 2, Kadory had remembered them and kept them close to her heart ever since. Looking to the sky, through the canopy of the trees and blurred landscape of tears, she murmured, "Are you still with me, Momma? Are you still watching?" Kadory finally moved her hand and wiped off her eyes, letting out a sigh and running her hand through the stray pieces of hair that covered her face.

"He accepted me, treated me right…" Kadory whispered to herself, her words barely audible to the point _she_ almost missed them. "And all I ever did to him was yell and snap and be rude towards him. How could he ever love such a woman as me? One with a deformity most men would call unattractive and something that would keep a woman living a solitary life forever? How can I ever believe that he would love me? He's pure-hearted behind the Battousai's mask. I know he is…I should've known he deserved better than the likes of me. But still, I loved him, and he loved me…and I ruined whatever chances at contentment I had."

The wind blew dry the tearstains on her cheeks, sticking strands of hair to the wet tracks. Undoing her ponytail, Kadory sighed and fiddled with the ribbon that kept her hair in place. Goodbye was a hard sentiment, if it could be at all considered a sentiment. Sitting here wasn't going to do her any good, though. It wouldn't erase the memories nor make the goodbye hurt any less. Concluding on a whim, Kadory pushed herself to her feet, leaving her hair down, tying the ribbon around her wrist, and shouldered her bow and quiver. It was time to leave this place behind. She'd go home to the clan her parents had once lived with. The place where everybody was considered normal, because everybody there was a neko like herself. She'd leave and she wouldn't ever return. To hell if she never saw Kenshin again…that way, she could never break his heart—or her own—again. He deserved better.

"Find a nice woman," Kadory whispered, her words slipping unheard into the wind, "Find a nice woman and start a family of your own. Whatever it is you do…please be happy."

With that, Kadory turned, wind blowing her hair into her face, and began to walk.


End file.
